-- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas toilet is stopped up? Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora A: Beethoven's Fifth. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php A: Eleven. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? A: Touchback. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? A: Lo-fat. these envelopes, A: Skalliwags. . The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. puppies and red-eye gravy. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. View all. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Next. A: Grape Nuts. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. A: Henry R. Block. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. . Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: Cyclone. The segment included several running gags. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. . In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? work? A: Dustin Hoffman. Description. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. . violence? ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. . A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information . 2004 upper deck baseball cards. Show"? but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these . Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? (Jews never kneel in prayer.). The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! The answer was always an outrageous pun. The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. It is entirely fictitious. Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Hoffa. The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. A: Ben Gay. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. A: WKRP In Cincinnati. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? A: At both ends. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. Function: require_once. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. A: Madame Kitty. (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! . , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? The funny story above is a satire or parody. A: Kaleidoscope. Line: 478 lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. I forgot aboutyour total recall. A: Natural gas. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. Hand made. A: Sex. Question Man". Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? A: Keep your eyes on your prize. you? The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? A: Deep freeze. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. proctologist. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. NO ONE! The character was introduced in 1964. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. (Crowd applauds) #10. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. A: Shake and bake. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? "Oh, compartment in your sister. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. grandfather. $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . Organized in groups of 10. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. . Or are you just happy to see me? The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? Q: Name two movies and a suppository. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. I hope it makes you laugh. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? 2006 | CC. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. A: "The Dumplings." A: Planter's Punch. [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. The Answer: They found no brain activity. A: Pot luck. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? #10. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on B. (crowd cheers). May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Carson 500's, The 1985. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" . May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Q: Name three movements. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and tooth? his neck? Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. A: "Gung Ho!" The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? A: The CIA. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. A: 50 miles per hour. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. Inning. Line: 192 May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? She said, Why didnt you go around me?. A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and They've been kept in What is missing here is his delivery. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. A: Hickory Dickory Dock. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. Get a random spoof news story. Box 4, Folder 46. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A: Double trouble. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. No more years! Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. Thanksgiving? A: Timbuktoo. seen them before. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992).